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Reliable Indicators for Growth 

 

Just as the process of growth is completely predictable, here are four principles of personal growth that you can take to the bank. When you’re engaging in helping others grow, keep an eye out to make sure all four are present. If these things aren’t happening, growth’s not going to happen either. 

1. Growth only happens when we’re in the game. 

Simply reading a book or taking a class won’t cause change. It was only because Allison and I had already been working together for a long time that her insights carried enough weight with me that I was challenged to grow. You can expect that to be true in your life most of the time. everyday life is where we discover possibilities for growth, pursue self-awareness, choose action steps, learn, practice, fail, adjust ...and see growth Perhaps the greatest example we have is Jesus, the best people-developer of all time. Jesus developed each of his disciples while they were in the process of living life. We find one example in Luke chapter 10, where Mary and Martha, who were sisters, had welcomed Jesus into their home as a guest. Mary wanted only to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to him, while Martha busied herself trying to be a good host. Martha eventually grew angry enough with her sister that she asked Jesus to tell Mary to help her. Jesus turned their tension into a teachable moment, sharing an observation about choosing priorities. Through that experience, Martha learned something a person can’t learn in a classroom. And that’s exactly how Jesus developed all of his followers. There was no “how to be a follower of Jesus” class; Jesus simply taught them as they were in the natural process of experiencing life together, talking and asking them questions as things happened that they didn’t understand. 

2. Growth only happens when we take ownership of it. 

No one can make me grow. External forces can’t impose growth on me, can’t force it to happen. I have to choose to actively pursue growth for myself. My motivation has to come from inside, and I have to do the work to develop myself toward the outcomes I want to see. If John had just called me one day out of the blue and said, “Hey Jeff, let’s read a book together!” that would not have motivated me. Because I looked up to John, and because he’s a friend, I probably would have agreed to do it out of obligation. But that doesn’t mean I would have had the initiative (or the energy!) to allow it to make changes in my life. There’s a wide gap between simply discussing a book with a friend and actively pursuing opportunities to change my behavior. But of course that’s not how it happened. I was internally motivated. I already wanted change. I was actively reaching out for help. So when John suggested a book, not only was I eager to read it, that actually sounded like a pretty easy way to start! In Luke 10, Jesus sends out seventy-two of his followers, tasking them with preparing surrounding communities in advance of his visits there. Even if you’re familiar with this passage, I’d like you to go back and have another look; specifically, I want you to notice the approach Jesus has his disciples use. Beginning in verse 5, he essentially tells them to focus their efforts only on those who seem interested in hearing what they have to say. Then in verse 10, he tells them not to waste their time on communities that aren’t open to their message, and just move on to the next place. Why would he tell them this? Because Jesus knew this foundational principle: people only grow when they own their own growth It’s important to make clear that Jesus wasn’t “giving up” on people who rejected his message; he was merely being practical and honest: if people aren’t ready for change, then it’s better to just pass on by at that time. Change is only going to happen when people are internally motivated to begin seeing things differently. 

3. Growth begins with self-awareness. 

Self-awareness is like a springboard toward personal growth and development. That first conversation I had with Allison was like a good, hard look in the mirror. I had to come to grips with the reality that the way I perceived myself was different than the way she perceived me. And I can tell you: that motivated me to change. It also clearly identified for me some specific things I needed to change. The primary approach Jesus used for teaching truth, whether it was to his followers or to the crowds gathering to hear him, were parables. But don’t let a word you don’t hear in everyday conversation overcomplicate what it actually is; we would call them stories. A parable is simply a story that helps make a point. In Matthew 13:10, Jesus’ disciples ask him directly why he uses so many stories. In their experience, most teachers of their day would instead outline rules, then list the positive outcomes that would happen if people obeyed...and the negative consequences if they didn’t. Jesus explains that he tells stories to create readiness and to nudge people to be receptive to new insights about truth and life. He goes on to explain that people can hear speeches day in and day out, but that won’t change their lives. Jesus recognized it was critical for a person to first imagine themselves in a different light; once they could do that, it opened the door to growth and life change for them. We can see this same principle at work in how Jesus responds to Nicodemus in John 3. Nicodemus was one of many leaders of a Jewish religious group called the Sanhedrin, but it wasn’t until Nicodemus saw himself in a new light that he became aware of how God truly wanted to transform his life. He had to reach his Light Bulb Moment before change could occur. Just think about this: isn’t that same thing also true of you? You see yourself how you really are, usually in a specific area of your life (health, self-discipline, finances, generosity, and so on). Then you picture a different you in the future, a you that you think you would like better, a you that you could be in that area. your objective for the people you want to help develop is to help them discover those same ‘Eureka!’ moments for themselves 

4. It is nearly impossible to grow without trusted relationships. 

We’ve already seen how important trusted relationships are throughout the predictable growth model. We need others in our lives who can give us both perspective and support — friends and mentors who will challenge us to imagine a better way. As we might expect, this is exactly the way Jesus interacted with his disciples. He spent time getting to know them. He built credibility with them through his consistent behavior. The disciples knew they could count on Jesus and that he ultimately had their best interests at heart. That trust changed their lives, which of course led them to change the world. And that same approach still works today: one relationship at a time. John was one of my most trusted relationships. Because we were already good friends, I knew I could trust him, so I was willing to really spill my guts, not just about what was happening, but how I felt about it. John responded first by asking me great questions and challenging me. He also encouraged me over time. Once I saw the things I needed to change, I could have tried to sort through the problem on my own. I could have tried to guess which paths might lead me where I thought I wanted to go. But John’s experience and perspective shortened that difficult cycle, even as his insight was helping maximize my results. Trusted relationships make all the difference. Even if you’re watching for those opportunities to help others develop, and even if you can tell that these four indicators are present, those are only part of the equation. A lot of other pieces already need to be in place: How do you develop that trust in the first place? How do you make conversations a safe place where people can be open with you? How do you keep from judging people as they’re telling you their deeply personal struggles? How do you grow yourself into a consistent encourager? In short: how can we follow the example of Jesus in the way he cultivated trust with the people around him?