Growth is a Predictable Process
Growth is a Predictable Process
In their book, Primal Leadership, authors Goleman and Boyatzis introduce a predictable framework that illustrates how people grow and develop. We adapted a variation on their ideas that we use at Life.Church to help people visualize their own growth process. I’ll use the example I shared with you of my experience with Allison and John to illustrate each part. As the lines and clustering indicate, no part happens in isolation. These are not orderly steps, per se; they’re all interrelated and interdependent. But notice the single element that each one has in common: each step of personal growth only takes place in the context of trusted relationships
Trusted Relationships
This could probably go without saying, but trusted relationships are all of those interactions and exchanges we enjoy with others. No matter which aspect of personal growth we happen to be working on, relationships with other people we trust are the one mandatory element for each. In most cases, these will be give-and-take relationships, where we mutually benefit from knowing each other.
This is what Allison did for me; we had worked together long enough that she had banked enough trust with me that she felt she could tell me the truth about myself. People who are better at something than you are inspire you to reach for something greater. Mentors and friends can help you come up with ideas you can try, action steps you can take. John was able to do both of these things for me; I knew he already possessed the skills I needed to learn. I was fortunate enough that John also happened to be a willing (and excellent) teacher! friends will hold you accountable to follow through, and they’ll encourage you Both John and Allison did that for me.
The Light Bulb
Who Am I Now?
When presented with the need for change, that new self-awareness forces a person to take a hard look in the mirror. They may see several things they need to change, or just one. This is what happened to me during the hours following my meeting with Allison, when I reflected back on the truth of all she had said. This is a good place to be open to asking others to help you see yourself the way they do.
Who Do I Want to Be?
A significant part of what makes us want to change is that we have something we can compare to, something better to aspire to. We may see this in another person who’s already doing that thing particularly well, but it may also be that we simply recognize we’re not getting the results we want. I had actually observed John modeling a much more positive brand of leadership in previous situations than I could see in myself in the examples Allison showed me. Not only did people who worked for John accomplish the results he wanted, they were actually happy about doing it! John knew how to describe the future he wanted in a way that others could find ownership in it. He was great both at casting vision and at delegating responsibility.
What Are My Strengths and Gaps?
Once again, this is another area where we need honest feedback from others. Even if you think you’re great at something, it’s possible none of the other stakeholders would agree with you! On the other hand, you may take certain elements of your personality for granted that other people wish came so easily to them. Allison helped me see bad habits I had that I needed to eliminate. John helped me learn good habits I could develop that would ultimately replace those.
